Halfdan’s Crossing, Selviergard—Painting a stark portrait of a phenomenon that appears to be irreversible, a report published Tuesday by the Selviergard Historical Association has found that the past is currently expanding at an alarming rate.
The comprehensive 950-page study including 32 pages of bibliography and at least seventeen appendixes, compiled by a group of the Barony’s most prominent historians supervised by a panel of three Research Laurels, warns that the sum total of past time grows progressively larger each day, making it unlikely that anything can be done to halt, or even slow down, the relentless trend.
“We believe the past is larger now than it’s ever been before,” said College of St. Elvis professor Lord Timothy Gibbon, lead author of the report, observing that whole generations of people have already become a part of history, and that if nothing changes, an untold number more can expect the same fate. “Many things that are in the past today were, during Duke Frederick of Holland’s time, still in the present—or even the future. Based on precise measurements of its size, we believe the past has subsumed every single person and event that has ever existed.”
“It’s shocking to contemplate, but in the relatively short stretch since Anno Societatis One, when we first began tracking its growth, the past has expanded by almost fifty years,” he added.
“Principality and Baronial administrations, tournaments and feasts, and even Kingdom level events—all have been claimed by a relentless past. There was some speculation that Pennsic War 44 would end history, but it didn’t.”
The report predicted this disturbing pattern will only continue, with one occurrence after another becoming part of a “colossal” historical record that, by all indications, appears intent on seizing absolutely everything without any discrimination. To date, nothing, no matter how significant, has been able to escape the past, which historians say has taken hold of episodes as significant as the The First Tournament, the elevation of numerous individuals to the Order of the Pelican, the twelfth West-An Tir War, the westward expansion of the Barony of Winter’s Gate, and the year A.S 27, among many of others.
“This massive, unrestricted accrual of time is quickly becoming unmanageable—it’s growing bigger and bigger even now as I speak,” said Lord Gibbon, who confirmed the past grew by more than six months in the time it took to research and write the new report.
The Baron of Selviergard, His Excellency Halfdan, was unavailable for comment on this frightening discovery. However, the Deputy Successor to the Adjunct Information Officer stated that His Excellency was only made aware of the problem after the report was published and that the Baron was concerned with what he read.
The report is currently being sent to the West Kingdom Historian’s Syndicate for their historical records where they will analyze the findings and provide comprehensive commentary. The group Heralds For Progress has already released a statement criticizing the report and asserting that “it [the report] is merely conjecture and that there is no real danger.”
However, despite the statement from HFP, Apprentices from around the Principality are in a state of panic and already plan a march against Baronial Headquarters which will take place as soon as the peaceful protest activity clears the West Kingdom Calendar Deputy’s desk.
Selviergard Associated Press
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